FREE HUGS (for me)

Five things you must know today:
1. Its hug a vegetarian day, so basically, people are for once forced into hugging me. Tally so far: 13 including one person who has never spoken to me before which was interestingly awkward, but left me feeling all warm and cushy inside.

2. Ladyhawke sounds especially good played on repeat, punch, drunk love singing. This can also be applied to Spakadia's Jealousy.

3. Hands are amazing and if you shock yourself by pretending they aren't there and then suddenly producing them, they are even more fascinating and amazing providing hours of fun.

4. Transporting the tea bag to the bin or any place can never be solved of spill without a spoon.

5. If you spend the whole night dancing around your room pretending to be a Beatle, with the windows wide open in a condo, singing into your fathers beer bottle, doing the guitar moves and getting on your knees at the "she loves you" and marching to "yellow submarine", your neighbours are bound to see you. This causes odd looks and funny stares in the morning. Avoid this at all costs.

I am reminded of a Dylan Moran Stand Up Routine

"How was your day?"

Well, I was awakened at five by the noise of what sounded like a dog being castrated without any anesthetic. I then awoke every five minutes checking my watch to see if it was nine o'clock, which it wasn't every five minutes, shockingly. I then decided to awake and make myself a bowl of cereal. Sadly there was no milk much left which I had not realised until I had poured myself an entire bowl of cereal. So it was the cereal you get thats soggy yet crunchy, making you think of toenail cuttings.

I then showered whilst my CD player failed to play Van Morrisson because apparently she now hates him and will only accept to play Sounds of the Sixties on repeat, which is okay but after "Leader of the Pack", twenty times over, it begins to get a bit. Surreal. Especially when you find yourself shouting "Look out! Look out!" at the appropriate times.

So I come down before I leave and explain what happened yesterday morning to my parents. As follows: I woke up on the particularly frosty Singapore morning to walk down, still half asleep. Due to it being slightly dark all I saw was the table, which, again my cat was sitting on ("You will thank me later, by having the cat on the table I'm improving your immune system"- mothers logic). Seeing my cat I said "hello Scratchy" to which he replied "Hello Cat" to which I screamed. It was in fact my father lying on the couch which I failed to realise. In response to my story my parents looked at me like I was a retard. This has been happening a lot of late. Especially whilst when sitting in a Vegetarian restaurant I was seriously surprised and questioned in all honesty my fathers comment that yes, the vegetarian desert was made from cows ball sacks. To which I received the same look and the comment "how do you even survive?".

I finish my class to go and flip through Dolly magazine, which made me particularly sad as it was so mind numbingly pathetic. And I used to read that. Did I at the time think that bagging a Jonas boy, or some other poster faker was a good thing? Instead I bought some banana milk which I thought would be good to drink whilst I walked. I tried opening the carton, to tear it, instead of using logic, i tore the other side and lifted the square hold to my mouth. This led to spilling all over my shirt in front of a lot of Germans. Thankfully the Germans didn't laugh, therefore proving the stereotype, whilst I almost killed myself with laughter.

I then proceeded to get on the bus, smelling like milk and freezing my ass off in Singapore of all places. I strangely sat next to a man who was taking his daily pills who seemed to find it necessary to massage the chair next to him whilst talking to himself. My amazing ability to locate and sit next to the nut on the bus.

I get home, spill water all over myself making it look as if I wet myself and now you're talking to me.

"Oh yep. I'm fine".