She caught the wrong second of a two-second story.

I can hear my mother talking downstairs and I kind of hope she is talking to someone on the phone and not just talking to herself. Or the cat. Talking to the cat is slightly more sad than talking to yourself, as the cat cannot comprehend what you're saying, although you may think your cat is some genius and understands every word you say, really its just wondering if by looking at you in an emotional manner may lead to opening a can of Fancy Feast. Yourself on the other hand can understand what you're saying and may be able to reply. In your mind at least.

So Christmas is just around the corner. Love, peace, happiness. I know its there I just can't feel it. Even with the creepy wind up Music Carol Boxes (that make me think that when the key clunks to a stop an axe weilding murderer is going to jump out and slice us all. I explained such to others and they asked me what movies I have been watching. Well, the last was "In Her Shoes", although at times one felt like throttling some characters it was never shown or worked into the script. I believe that if this was to happen, the movie would've been a greater hit, "In Her Shoes: The Role of a Killer", something like that. I would've seen that, it sounds like the shows on the Crime Channel late at night, they're always a big hit in our family. We love our gore!) I am not a very spirited person, I need gold spray paint and acorns to feel as if I have purpose at Christmas, besides that , nothing. Or perhaps forty bucks and an attempt at finding Christmas presents that don't include a subscription to Dungeons and Dragons monthly.

If you want a dose of the excellent, I suggest you watch the English art movie, Cashback. Absoulutely stunning, soundtrack, visuals, acting, mix of comedy with drama, cutting edge stuff. I adored the movie and was utterly inspired to do something, anything, it was amazing! It follows the art student Ben (played by Sean Biggerstaff, you know the one everyone crooned over as Oliver Wood. Well, Woodys changed a whole lot) post break up with his two and half year long girlfriend. Struggling to sleep and suffering from insomnia, Ben trades in his now, extra eight hours to work in Sainsburys, trade in your hours, you get money, cashback. There his imagination and fascination with the female form, runs wild.

Features a lot of nudity, that makes sense in the art world, but would still cause an entire male class room to burst into giggles or mother into saying "pervy boy, such a pervy boy". Yet, I highly recommend this movie on so many levels. It received an Oscar nomination for its beginning as a short film in 2004, that with such positive feedback developed into a feature film. Go now!

Then we come to the other end of the spectra. Twilight. Don't go see this film. You thought the books were bad, the movie is worse, it actually made me disappointed. I set the bar oh, so, so low and I was disappointed. The ads looked reasonably okay, despite her "you're super strong blah blah blah" speech, that is just a complete squirm in your seat in embarrassment moment. Well, the whole movie is like that. Bella never looks happy, no emotion, looks as if she was just kicked and breathing through her mouth, the entire time. Not even when little lost vampire Edward states shes his "heroin". (Kudos to Kirsten Stewart for making Bella some what likable though.)Edward, well, your attempt at acting like Bella smelt, literally stank (har har har PUN!), although chemistry was some what evident, I always felt that Edward was a wide eyed idiot and Bella was a stuck up tosser, so there we go. This interpretation of Bella may be my biased opinion due to reading the book where shes so plain and clumsy and must tell us over and over again, but who cares, this is a rant, dammit. They're meant to be intelligent, this is not obvious, despite Edwards massive music collection, a sure sign of intelligence.

Carlisle and Esme slightly saved the movie but Jasper? What, Stepford? Stick up ass? What happened there? And that cut to allude to Dracula, was that warranted? I felt like hitting my head on the front of my chair. When did "spider-monkey" become a term of endearment? Scenes of them talking, supposedly romantically were truthfully boring making you wonder if they are in fact saying "pink elephant", thank you Oprah. I know its meant to be romantic, the abstinent beauty of true love but c'mon, Bella is a hormonal crazed girl who actually has Edward, like all the fan girls crave for, she wants the sex, end of story. Plus, Edwards supposed "sparkling" was like that of a European in Singapores humidity. Basically, sweaty.

The villains, were boring, not scary in the slightess manner and just proved Bella's stupidity. The end made no real sense besides to Twilighters (oh man, I am a Twilighter) and just showed the angry, ginger walking off all teary eyed in bad fur, hint, hint sequel? Really? I would have never guessed! Despite the continuous writing spirit of Stephanie Meyer to produce not one, not two, but four books of torturous romance that end rather astonishingly terribly. Basically, don't go see this movie.The lady behind me that snorted her phlegm back into her mouth was more interesting.