16 October 2008

I Know, I Know, its Serious

I have a problem. Not like your usual teenage problems, no drugs (as explained before, after not much sleep, I become almost drugged. I do stupid things, like explaining my theory that groups of fish should be called "fosh". This is particularly hilarious when trying to explain to New Zealanders. They think you're taking the piss. My mother often thinks I am pissed, its all a bit of a mess really.), no sex and not much rock n' roll.

So whats my problem?

I'm a sleepaholic. I am addicted to sleep.

I can't help it. Recent trends in my life show that I'm addicted. I crave sleep, I sit there and think of how nice it would be to be sleeping. I think of lying down on clean sheets, of the joys of closing my eyes, I close my eyes for brief seconds, hoping no one will notice, I think of pillows, lovely, puffy pillows. With feathers. And I'm doing it now. This, my friends, often fails me in normal life situations.

For instance, my 6pm nap (this is not usual, I have not yet turned into my grandmother. Although I am well on the way. I wear cardigans, whine about being cold and back ache and knit. I'm waiting for some young hip thing, with a name like Cindy, because really, all hip things have a name that seems to end in Y, to take my body and use it to its full potential. Getting smashed, knowing the Soulja boy dance and listening to the music of Snoop Doggy Dog.) on a Saturday turned into a 16 hour snooze. All I remember was standing up to turn off my music and then going out cold. only to be awoken at what I thought was 5am. Mumbling "bloody hell, who smses at 5am" (besides Kirra, asking when a concert would be, well not in the next two hours, when I was sleeping- just kidding) before dropping like a dead man yet again. I later checked my phone after my semi-coma to see it was sent at 11:34pm, asking to go dress shopping.For some odd reason, I declined.

Often my sleep addiction can lead to troubles in class. Particularly in Science, in the midst of a fascinating video ("Hi! I'm Tony, the Y Chromosome! Let me show you around a cell!", by golly! Yes please!)I find myself slowly falling asleep. To aid myself I have come up with a genius plan. So to look like I am paying attention to Tony, the excited, some what despite his Y Chromosome, gender confused chromosome, I cover one eye with my hand. Therefore I am half sleeping, I am fooling them all! No, unlike the rest of my class, who simply sleep, I achieve both, sleep and seemingly paying attention. I explained this theory to my attentive audience. The response was negative. Although this could have gone hand in hand with my theory of "fosh", I don't think I could ever redeem myself from such theory.

But heres my other theory (Yes, the science blood does not run through this one). If I am sleeping, I'm not eating, therefore, its like a diet program. My sleep is also pretty intense, I often sleep in some sort of yoga position or else find myself upside down (I tried to stop this. Some folk legend I saw on the ABC channel as a kid said if you sleep upside down you give birth to a hedgehog baby. I remember the image of the baby, some odd man dressed as a hedgehog wailing. I have been scared ever since.). Strangely no book deals have come through, but I am sure, once they catch on, it'll be bigger than Atkins.

I explained this to my mother, to explain the seriousness of my problem. She stated I was simply lazy. "Laziness it not serious, its teenage".

Shes in denial.

1 comment:

doctawho42 said...

"If I'm sleeping, I'm not eating."
sound theory, yes.
I often dream of sleep. pfft
Um, I need to go to sleep now.