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I need to be more normal. Apparently, anyway. This comes as a direct response to the fact that my oddness, which I can't even see personally, will creep people out, as stated, dear mother. Plus the looks I get, I'm not sure if its their face and they usually are giving me, as to quote, the "stink eye", or its a reaction to me, which hurts me deep, deep down in the pit of my stomach-not-full-of-rotting-meat (as stated by a dear friend, meat supposedly stays in your stomach and rots for two weeks. Heck! I'm inspired to go eat a big four by four steak right now!). Also, the need to be more "mainstream" in music terms.

So I have compiled a list of things to do to become more "mainstream". (I often compile lists, so once this is over, I will stop making lists as mainstream people don't do that. Only Stepford wives, my mother on continuous notebooks spread around the house stating shopping...and that's about it and Germans) . So! Lets take a look shall we, because if we use our mind, take a step at a time, we can do anything, that we wanna do. (Annnndd another one to add to the list)

1. Stop quoting things. This includes any number of things, random breaking out into "Don't Cry Out Loud", "Dora the Explorer" (especially when you add their two syllable name into the mix, believing yourself to be very clever for adding it in. ) or "Changes" must stop. The quoting of particular TV shows that no one has heard of must stop and also the quoting of things that aren't quotes but you think they are so you blurt them out and end up sounding like a creepy tosser, must also stop. This includes "I've got you now, pussycat", although you are still under the belief that it is a famous line from a movie, it probably isn't and it is most definitely not the Grandma from Sylvester and Tweety despite your thoughts at this very moment that it is.

2. Stop laughing randomly. You may have just thought of the funniest thing in the world, or simply thought of the word fishmonger (which is practically the same thing), but whatever you do, don't laugh. This causes odd looks to the extreme, then, don't make it worse by trying to explain what you're laughing at. Its not funny and you'll make a twat of yourself trying to explain it because you think its gorgeously funny and keep laughing, spurting the words out with a fair amount of spit spraying all over you "captivated" audience. No they're not captivated, they're scared. Laughing randomly also includes laughing at books (like those oddities on the bus who laugh at their books, giggling to themselves in a highly superior manner then looking around the bus as if "oh har har har, look at me, I'm reading a book! And I find it funny! Therefore I understand it! Making me highly superior to you inferior beings!" that's what your turning into. Even if what your laughing at is the thought of the Devil talking like Kylie Minogue) so therefore must be stopped.

3. Stop acting upon temptation. You are tempted to taste your friends tears that just fell onto the table. Don't stick your finger in it, bring it up to your mouth and eat it. That's not normal, and despite your pleas right now in your head, that yes, it is and yes, you just wanted to taste it to see if it was salty (which it wasn't, you'd think it would be right?), its not. Do not feel the need to touch peoples heads, do not feel the need to touch people full stop and do not at all costs, feel the need to demonstrate your ability to do a head stand to your parents in your school uniform (skirt included) to prove your flexibility. You cannot use the great Oscar Wilde as your back up with the quote "I can resist everything but temptation" because your temptation to eat peoples tears or attempt a head stand and failing miserably was a tinsy bit different to being torn between love, marriage and the way of conduct back then. And no, you cannot apply those following things to touching peoples head. That's not love, that's just the pure need to touch their head and feel their head under your hand making you feel ornately superior.

4. Don't listen to a band that no one can pronounce. No, that 80's jam French singer is not coming back. No, placing it on full display in your CD box will not help her case. And no, her music isn't that good despite its awesome 80's techno boom. Listen to the Pussycat Dolls, they bring feminism back into the 21st century!

5. Don't tell people your dreams. No one wants to know about your night time escapades where your in a salad bar with Harry Potter and a bunch of Hobbits. Its really not that interesting and those people who are nodding enthusiastically are just being kind.

6. Stop reading books. Whats that in your hand? A book? And you enjoy that? Out demon! Be gone!

And lastly:

7. Be an accountant.

So that about sums it up. I reckon by the end of the week I will be grinding myself up against numerous suiters, listening to the extreme works of Britney Spears, flipping through a little book of sex tips and heading on a jet set career path to accountancy.

Because that's normal.

And I already stuffed it up.