I often amaze others in my company with my knowledge of songs real meanings, gathering most of my favorite songs up I realised that there was a certain theme that ran through all of them. Shocked, amused and slightly horrified (what was I thinking and also, I really needed to stop stating off handedly "oh that song, yeah, thats about wanking off") I thought I'd make a list of that five best songs about the awful deed, masturbation.
Phwoar!
5. Pump it Up- Elvis Costello
You may recognise the riff from the later Rogue Trader hit "Voodoo Child", but heres the original amazing New Wave hit, "Pump it Up" by the New Wave King, Elvis Costello. He's kind of unbelievable, isn't he?
A taste of the lyrics include: "Pump it up until you can feel it.
Pump it up when you don't really need it"
Who knew?
4. Turning Japanese- The Vapours
Although the lead singer denies it from time to time, depending on his mood or the interview, the song is a reference to the stereotypical view of the Japanese (slit eyed) and that after too much of a good thing your eyes also become slitted. Many people thought it was about his love of an Asian girl but you decide: "I've got your picture
I;d like a million of you all around my cell
I want a doctor to take your picture
So I can look at you from inside as well
You'd got me turning up and turning down
And turning in and turning around"
Later explaining that he has "no sex, no drugs, no wine, no women", so what else is there to do? I think we all know the basis of the song, even if Fenton denies it, it was so popular with the public it reached Number 3 on the UK Charts in 1980, whatever the means its damn catchy!
3. Dancing with Myself- Billy Idol
I always took this very literally, it was always to me, just about plain dancing, but thankfully my innoncence has failed meaning this song makes it into the mix.
"If I looked all over the world
And theres every type of girl
But your empty eyes
Seem to pass me by
Leave me dancing with myself"
For a bit more fun listen to Nouvelle Vague's French Jazz cover, really fantastic stuff and I generally prefer it to Billy Idol's but this is the originator and its still pretty enjoyable. Even its poking fun at the Idol shouting "Sweat, sweat, sweat" in a rather unappealing manner that could explain his lonesome dancing.
2. She Bop- Cyndi Lauper
For someone so cute and innocent, you wouldn't think this poppy song was about something so controversial, but thats the fact, and if you didn't get it from the seemingly innocent lyrics (until you REALLY think about it) "she bop, he bop, a we bop" the video is a dead fire give away.
The video and lyrics reference the myth that too much of "a good thing" leads to going blind and shows Lauper stumbling to stage, in obvious blind person sunglasses winning "Master Bingo". Other scenes include Lauper at the self service counter with a Beefcake magazine (reference to Blueboy-a gay erotica magazine in the 80s) in a hot, steamy car yet only one person inside. Later the song proclaims there "aint no law against it yet" so Lauper doesn't have to fret. Besides the fact that this song was put on the Parents Music Resource Centres list of Filthy Fifteen songs, what will she do? Lauper stated that the song was meant to be simply about dancing to young children and that later in life, the lyrics would gain more meaning, for this reason the song still recieved international air play and was Number 3 in the US and Number 6 in Australia and New Zealand (plus Number 1 in Brazil).
And the Number One here?
1. I Touch Myself- The Divinyls
Often thought to be sung by Blondie, the real creators of this famous gem is the not too well know Australian, Divinyls singer Chrissie Amphlett, known for her school girl uniforms and cheeky stage antics that made her so popular in Sydneys Kings Cross.
As Buffy would say,"It was terrible. I moped over you for months, sitting in my room, listening to that Divinyls song "I Touch Myself"...of course, I had no idea what it was about".
The lyrics are rather blantantly obvious leading us to wonder exactly what Buffy was doing, as follows:"I love myself
I want you to love me
When I'm feeling down
I want you above me
I search myself
I want you to find me
I forget myself
I want you to remind me"
So that about wraps it up, extremely useful knowledge there. You can now inform your friends of the 5 best songs about jerking off, could you do that before? Probably not. But now you can, showing your true wealth of knowledge that no one thought you could possess and probably wonder why you can.
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