The Monkey on your Back is the Latest Trend

Today I ironed my shirt.

This is amazing. I never iron my shirt and never has that bothered me, not in the slightest, but everyone else seems to be seriously harmed about it. My parents, par example, go into a fit when they see the state of me in the morning, my mother reaches for the hairbrush and iron and my father reaches for shoe polish and a old pair of socks (or disgustingly underwear) to use with the polish (why would I want to rub dirty underwear into my shoes to make them look better? Why would i even want to touch dirty underwear? Thankfully i was able to snag an old tea towel and rub some mink oil into my shoes. That was before my brother told me that mink oil was made from mink fat, he says i redefine the word gullible.).

After a while they gave up, my mother now gives the feeble excuse to my father thats it's my form of rebellion, namely "nerd rebellion". He then nods his head as if he totally understands, like some kind of mutual understanding they have in their daughters lacking of "cool".

So, basically, me ironing my shirt is like doing the world a favor.

Uniform is a pretty big thing at school, its a way of supposedly showing "school pride", but what is school pride apparently it can be summed up by two things, uniform and sport. Neither of which really work for me (besides my recent participation in the floorball activity, it is so awesome, seriously. They insult each other with World of Warcraft terms or else use their floorball sticks as Jedi light sabers. I was so pleased with my chosen activity I went and gushed about it to my mother. After a slight awkward silence, she tutted, pretended to scan down a list before choosing a supposed line and saying"Oh..I'll chose that one", with forced joy, she then looked at me raised her eyebrows and said "how do you always choose the nerdy activities?". Upset with my mothers dislike to my natural path which she should be blamed for, i went and slumped on my bed and planned ways in which to become famous and be the ultimate in cool so i can laugh at all the people below me, just like Bill Gates. Ah....Bill Gates)

I don't do sports and obviously I do not do this "uniform thing". (I come to school in an unironed shirt, odd socks, usually one being significantly shorter than the other or with no elastic and scuffed, scrathed, Doc Martens missing a buckle which i can't be bothered to nail on despite the actual need to.)

Nor can i do sports. You know how P.E teachers always say don't be afraid of the ball, just grab it! As it comes hurtling towards you at 100 miles per a second, well i've never quite grasped that concept, I put my hands up, close my eyes or in a glorious effort to hit it wave my arms around like a man on fire, so I'm basically shit at anything to do with balls (which includes just about every team sport, again, i nearly always fail PDHPE because i don't have any team spirit, why should i have team spirit? I know everyone there is regretting the day i was put in their team), i run like a blinded bewilderbeast, I can never jump over the bar so i should stop kidding myself that i can (and save much pain between my legs) and i have realised that perhaps the only thing i can do well is improvised Kung-fu and even then I still end up on the ground, even against myself.

So, how then can I show school pride?

I decided that I would just keep ironing my shirts.